Thursday, January 5, 2017

It's FIVE days into the New Year....

And I am finally sitting down to type out how we are all doing.  This should explain everything about me as a person. I have had every intention to sit down before today and even planned some things to write about which have, of course, been forgotten. Oh well.  My dad always says I am a butterfly -floating from one thing to the next.

Our New Year festivities consisted of cuddling in bed with Noah watching a movie, probably Gremlins, because now he is OBSESSED with it.  He is constantly asking to watch a scary movie but he has no idea what that really means so Scott and I keep trying to think of movies that are "scary" for a four year old.  But its hard.  So we keep showing him movies from when we were young.  Someone once told me that its bad luck not to get a New Year's kiss so I made sure to kiss Noah and Scott and say Happy New Year to both of them.  Scott got a high-five too, and we laughed because well, WE MADE IT to see another year. There were so many days last year we both felt like we would not make it through the end of December.

Before Christmas, we sent out two college applications for Avery.  His heart is set on UTD because they have really good computer science and engineering programs.  A few of his friends are going there too, so that is a plus for him as well.  He's also excited that they have a Fencing team.  He had to stop Fencing this school year because the school he's at, has the hardest work assigned during senior year.   He simply could not keep up in school and Fence.  It is very weird for me to think that he's going to be in college in just a few months.  I'm trying not to hyperventilate thinking(typing) about it. I read a really great article awhile back about how motherhood is a constant laboring and birthing process with your children.  It is so true! There is all this preparation, waiting, and pain.  Then you push them out into the world. Again and again. I am in the "laboring" process with Avery right now.  There are so many questions on my mind about have I taught him enough, are there any more things I can do to help prepare him - stuff like that.  Knowing full well that the answer is NO to all of the things I wonder about for him.  I can however, teach him to do his laundry better, but I'm pretty sure that once he's on his own, everything will be in one huge load anyway.

Last month I got to spend some time with Brooke and her friends from college.  I love them all!  They are girls I would hang out with, so I feel like she's made some good choices. Ha! I remember the first month she was gone and how anxious I was for her and the conversations we had about life, (I told her every horror story I could think of about college and how to not be like that) and how she would feel different about things being away and coming home to visit.  And how that all of those things were normal and that they were okay and that she'd be okay.  I prayed with her on the phone when she felt homesick and encouraged her as best I could to make friends.  It was such a sweet thing for her to tell me that I was right and she was really okay. She is happy. She is SO okay that she's thinking about not moving home this summer and staying in Oklahoma.

Noah is teaching me to play Minecraft.  It has been hard for me to understand.  I really don't know why.  I get headaches from squinting at the screen trying to figure out what to do! But Noah LOVES that I try. Yesterday he asked me to play with him so I tried so hard to understand it and be intentional about it and learn from him.  It worked! We built a house, we have beds, a garden, and pet wolves!  He was so happy playing with me he was dancing the whole time!  It was cute!  Today at bible study, we combined music time and all the kids were together so I got to see him with his class.  Normally he smiles at me and says hi and will run up to me - today, he looked at me and kept on about his business.  I was a little crushed and his teacher laughed and said to me, he's come so far. Because he has! I am his person, I just am. It is so sweet but comes with challenges too. For example, I can't leave the room without him yelling for me or following me, because he "just likes me" or "needs to hear me." I usually just laugh and pick him up when he says those things to me. When we first started bible study he would cry and cry and cry and cry.  He had and has the most amazing and sweet ladies as his teachers.  They loved on him so much and made him feel comfortable to be away from me. The fact that he wanted NOTHING to do with me today, is a testimony to that! I asked him if he wanted to start a sport this year and named a few and he said Karate, so we are going to sign him up for it! I am sure its going to be so cute to watch!

I am doing okay, I had a little bit of anxiety this morning after telling all of Scott's family that he was in the hospital again.  He's been in and out 4 times this week, I think.  This has been one of those weeks where everything blends together. He stayed last night and they kept him tonight as well because he has an infection in his intestines and they want to make sure its totally gone before they send him home. I hate so much having to tell people over and over again that he's in the hospital.  I feel like I am breaking their hearts every single time.  It breaks my heart to tell them every time.  It's so awful.  Scott told me tonight that he had a nurse pray over him.  How amazing is that?! It was a sweet reminder at the end of a tiring day, that the community of believers is a beautiful thing.  People who don't know you, people who you've never met will just pray for you upon hearing about you just because we all hurt when someone else is hurting.  There are people in another country praying for Scott and healing for him.  That is very humbling.  That is grace.  That is love, y'all.

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