Oh man. Summer is almost here. My oldest child is going to graduate this week. My youngest is about to finish pre-k. And I'm constantly thinking about all the grey hair on my head while wondering how blonde I really want to be, if I want to do that at all. Because its easier to hide grey in lighter colored hair than darker. Think of all the old ladies you know. Or maybe I just want to let my hair do its thang and not worry about it at all. I want to be super confident and say I just wont worry about it (getting older) because there are so many people right now who would love to see a grey hair or two but cant because their bodies are losing a battle with a disease or some other sort of terrible thing that happens to someone because of this messy thing we call life, but I am just not sure, I may just on a whim go and color it.
Life can be so messy really. I got a text from my best friend last week with a news article attached about an accident. And the revelation that it was her exhusband who caused the wreck and that it was intentional and that an innocent person died as a result. In between telling her I was sorry and angry and choking back tears because a little girl has to live with knowing this is who her dad is and that's just not fair or okay, and wishing I could hug my best friend and punch her exhusband in the face. I started thinking about how thankful I am for my faith. When I am sad, hurt, angry, or scared, I go to the Lord in prayer and he calms me and he helps me. I couldn't help but think of my friends exhusband who doesn't have that, who doesn't really have any one or anything to go to when he is troubled, when he needs help, and in those moments before he decided to hit the other car, he experienced something I cant know or fully understand, but I do know, he had no hope, and man, that is the hardest, most sad thing to have to think about.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I'm posting on there everyday now. I read this blog post somewhere within the past week or so that encouraged the reader to take pictures of everything that happens in your day to day life and then go through them and pick your favorite and post it online because there are so many wonderful, beautiful things that happen in our day to day lives that we forget about. The blog post said that taking 200-300 pictures a day would be normal and while I think that I could absolutely NOT do that, I could try to be more mindful of my day and take one or two photos of things I was doing, something that made me smile, something that made me happy, something Noah or Avery or Scott did and then post that. The point of it would be that at the end of the year, you'd have 365 photos to look back on. I started this a few days ago and I'm not holding myself super accountable if I don't take a picture a day, but I love the idea of being able to show the kids these pictures or have them to be able to access them later on. I also love that its online and I don't have to deal with physical pictures. Stuff freaks me out! Not news to anyone. I love to get rid of things, it makes me happy and I find it quite therapeutic. When Brooke was here last week we were talking about all the things she needed for her house that she's renting with some friends from college and I told her let me go through things here, I'm sure I have stuff to get rid of. Nope. I didn't really have much to give her, and I was laughing while I was looking in all the cabinets and closets because I always "feel" like I should be getting rid of something. I guess I'm pretty good at that. Except in my closet. I always, always need something more in there. :)
Yesterday while I was with Avery on our way to Target, you know one of those trips where you only have five items on your list and you end up coming home with way more than you intended to, I started thinking about how he was graduating in just a few short days and how I was cleaning out his closet and having "moments" and I sighed. And he asked me what was wrong and I told him I almost cried while in his closet because I realized that I had no more of his school uniforms to wash again, he was done. And while being done with high school makes him super happy, it brings me to tears, because he is no longer a little kid. I have had a few "moments" in Avery's closet. The first one was realizing how much like my dad he is. He dresses like my dad and talks like my dad. While I think its so sweet its also so weird to me, mostly because that means I'm like my dad and I don't think I am. A little proof of this fact: All year I have been asking Avery to throw away all his paper stuff from school and he kept telling me that the teachers all told him explicitly that he should keep everything because he would need it. I told him so many times that, that wasn't true (a tale as old as time, really, I was told this same thing and it was never true.) but I left it at that. Yesterday as we threw away THREE bags of school work and papers, I told him - I told you so, and he laughed and said you were right. He also had a drawer full of receipts and I asked him what they were for and he said I don't know, you're supposed to keep reciepts and I looked at him and said no you aren't and then I threw them all away. You guys, MY DAD SAVES PAPERS AND RECIEPTS TOO! When you ask him (my dad) why he has all these papers and receipts, he says he might need them. I was updating my mom, sister and dad in our family group text during the whole process of getting rid of the school clutter and they were laughing, because he is like his papa! Well, at least my mom and sister were laughing, my dad was probably reading the texts, cringing.
As far as summer plans go, we are going to do as much as possible and spend as much time as we can outside in the sun and with my parents. I have already started my planning for Noah's homeschool schedule and activities and the more I plan the more excited I get. Plans and schedules make me excited. Its so lame, but true!
I plan on posting again this week after Avery's graduation. :)